Bike Bonfire and Beer Exchange Fun Quiz for 2014

Back by popular demand, here is the Bike Bonfire and Beer Exchange Fun Quiz for 2014... 

1. At Mike's Tiki bar in East BurkeVermont, four dollars will buy you:

a) A warm beer
b) A cold beer and a warm shower
c) A cold beer and a space heater with an empty propane tank
d) A french Canadian cycling chick and a cold shower

2. "Ginger lips" is:

a) An organic lip balm made from hemp and ginger root oil
b) A taunt used to provoke red heads, as in "get back in your biscuit tin, ginger lips"
c) Someone who insists on ordering fish tacos even when barbecued pork shanks are on the menu
d) All of the above

3. The Dirty Penny Fan Club is:

a) Figment of our imaginations
b) Back in business after a brief but alarming 12 hour hiatus
c) A hall of mirrors that makes big things look small and possibly visa versa
d) All of the above

4. Which of the following has never happened at a Bike, Bonfire, Beer Exchange:

a) Burning of a scantily clad blowup doll
b) An Irishman getting a sunburn
c) Driving a lawn mower through the bonfire
d) Visitation by a homeless guy wearing spandex
e) An Irishman taking a swing at a town council member
f) Drinking beer from a toilet bowl
g) None of the above (i.e., they have all happened)

5. The "Brew Screw" is:

a) A novelty item made by mountain bikers in a garage in Pennsylvania
b) A form of fraternity hazing that has been mostly outlawed except in Kentucky
c) Espresso chased with fresh squeezed grapefruit juice
d) At the bottom of Marsh Creek Lake with a cheap Welgo left-side pedal attached to it.
e) Both a and d

6. During the 2014 Kingdom Trails trip, Andy Doble earned $80 cash by:

a) Playing Texas Hold'em in a barn outside of town
b) Playing slot machines at a dive bar just north of the US/Canadian border
c) Throwing a hissy-fit at the LBS when his fancy Niner frame cracked

7. During the 2014 Kingdom Trails trip, how did we learn that Chris' nickname is "Rug Rat." 

a) He was caught sneaking to the bathroom in his flannel RugRats cartoon pajamas
b) His Navy buddy Marc told us
c) He mumbled something about it while half asleep in the lounge chair by the wood stove
d) Someone saw it tatoo'd on his leg
e) None of the above (his real nickname is "Maverick") 

8. The 2014 Cinco de Mayo ride featured:

a) Hot dog tacos with cabbage and barbecue sauce
b) A teak coffee table and a 7' blowup cactus
c) Three donkeys and a guy playing guitar
d) Home made heirloom tomato salsa eaten off the bottom of a SIDI riding shoe
e) Bike riders riding by and smashing a pinata with their heads
f) A horrified trail runner splayed out on the ground

9. Steerer tubes should be cut:

a) By a professional
b) By someone who is not drinking beer
c) By a chopsaw
d) Once but only after measuring twice

10. Two DB's were DQ'd from the Brandywine race because they:

a) Were juicing
b) Wore flesh colored spandex
c) Stopped for unsanctioned hydration during the race
d) Couldn't follow instructions

11. The January 2014 "Tour duh" planning meeting at Victory resulted in:

a) A detailed plan for the event of the century
b) A bar tab of $147.58
c) Decision that Corinne will be our waitress for all future "Tour duh" planning meetings
d) A bunch of scribbles on the back of a paper napkin

Happy holidays, and don't forget to...

..."use it while you still have it"
     -- Gasp4Air

2013 Fun Quiz

Artwork by Sara

With 2013 winding down and the annual Bike-Bonfire-Beer-a-palooza around the corner, I figured I would try to sum up the year with a fun trivia quiz. Don't think too hard, it's not rocket surgery.

If you skip meals and stand around the chalet for hours in bike clothes insisting you haven't had much to drink you might end up...

a) Leaving your breakfast next to the trail on Saturday morning.
b) Laying on the couch Saturday afternoon.
c) Like Jason.
d) In the MO7S fun quiz.

Never trust... 
a) A happy song.
b) A puppet.
c) A burp.
d) A fart.

Someone posted a sign at Marsh Creek that says
a) No trespassing.
b) Park closes after sunset (except for fishing).
c) Cranston Gap.
d) This way to The Beer Tree.

Who or what is "Dirty Penny?"
a) An ale brewed by Olde Burnside Brewing Company that is a mixture of Ten Penny Ale and their signature stout.
b) A Berks County cover band from Reading Pennsylvania.
c) Someone with questionable allegiances who induces brain lockup in groups of 10 or more guys.

What is a Heady Topper?
a) A malty and piney beverage bursting with 8% goodness that was lovingly hand carried by Kirk from the Alchemist's lair in Vermont.
b) A beverage bursting with 8% goodness that was malty and piney and lovingly hand carried by Kirk from the Alchemist's lair in Vermont.
c) A beverage lovingly hand carried by Kirk from the Alchemist's lair in Vermont that was malty and piney and bursting with 8% goodness.
d) A malty and piney beverage bursting with 8% goodness from the Alchemist's lair in Vermont that was lovingly hand carried by Kirk.

The Beer Tree was retired in 2013 because...

a) We don't like beer anymore.
b) It was too "trailer park" for our tastes.
c) There is a new sheriff in town.
d) We switched to Root and Snap.

What cycling related miracles occurred in 2013?
a) At the 2013 Bud Mauger memorial ride Mark turned water into beer.
b) Dr. Oz discovered that red palm oil can reduce body fat and lubricate chains in muddy conditions.
c) At one of our FHHR rides Jesse turned vegetables into mint chocolate chip ice cream.
d) Lance Armstrong admitted he is a fraud.

At the infamous White Clay Rain Ride we...
a) Rode on rain soaked trails without being accosted by local trail Nazis.
b) Washed our socks in the runoff from the parking lot.
c) Stripped in the parking lot to entertain the 2nd floor yoga class overlooking the parking lot.
d) Were a little obnoxious to the waitress at McGlynn's Pub (but tipped her well).

The 2013 Cinco De Mayo Friday Happy Hour Ride was unfortunately marred because...
a) It was actually Tres De Mayo.
b) The pink paper flower on Kirk's helmet made his butt look big.
c) Mike wore a pearl necklace and did an imitation of Mike Honcho.
d) En Cinamino fell asleep on the ground wearing a sombrero.
e) Brian had to eat salsa off the bottom of Jesse's Sidi riding shoe.

"Clean Getaway" is...
a) Pretending you are going to the bathroom at a lame party and instead slipping out the back door and going home.
b) A coin operated laundromat in Kalamazoo Michigan.
c) An indie cycling movie produced by an aspiring local film maker.
d) A pretty basic song written by Maria Taylor.

In April when riding at Marsh Creek, Mike popped...
a) A ladybug into his mouth and swallowed it.
b) A wheelie in the parking lot.
c) His acromioclavicular joint.
d) Both eardrums during a rapid free fall descent of the rocky climb.

Who said "don't be a dumb ass and please don't sue us"?
a) Samsung (to Apple) after they stole the pinch-zoom smartphone feature.
b) Dirty Penny speaking on behalf of the Kingdom Trails Association when we decided to ride their rocky rooty trails in a torrential downpour.
c) The guy with a megaphone standing on the tailgate at the start of the Crazy Train ride.

At the 2013 Crazy Train ride, the organizer told us...
a) If you only have three bikes, you do not have enough.
b) The event allows you to ride only one bike, but you brought three. Choose wisely.
c) The terrain calls for you to ride three different bikes, but you can ride only one. Choose wisely.
d) I licked one of the pretzels in this box. Choose wisely.

Bryan likes fatties because...
a) Once they start moving, you can't stop them.
b) They are fun to ride slow.
c) It's fun, and all your friends think it's stupid, but they still want to do it too.
d) Size actually does matter.

Chris

"I have too many bikes"
     -- Said by no cyclist ever

Cinco

Cinco De Mayo gets started
two days early

Following is a Friday Happy Hour Ride fun quiz, because I am still trying to figure out what the heck happened out there yesterday afternoon...

Kirk didn't like the flower on his helmet because

1. It had poor aerodynamics 
2. It made his butt look big
3. The pink clashed with his yellow Engin bike bike and black spandex

Mike impressed the group by

1. Riding a bike to the beer tree less than three weeks after separating his shoulder
2. Doing a a "too good" good imitation of Mike Honcho 
3. Wearing a pearl necklace



Tequila, because beer and
mountain biking do not mix

4. All of the above

People were looking at us weird as we rode to The Beer Tree because

1. We were riding to a beer tree
2. Our bikes and helmets were festooned with big tissue paper flowers
3. We were celebrating Cinco De Mayo on May third
4. We don't know, nor do we care

The Beer Tree was pruned because

1. There was one of everything up there and we had run out of ideas
2. The cans were fading and it was starting to look more like a recycling center exploded than an object d'art
3. Some people in high places may not have our sense of humor



Fresh Guacamole and homemade
heirloom tomato salsa

4. We don't like beer anymore

It is a good idea to ride the bonus loop wearing a sombrero if

1. You are Irish
2. The sombrero is from Chi Chi's
3. It is May 3rd
4. All of the above

Riding home with a bag full of empty beer cans strapped to your camelback is

1. A good idea because leaving it in the woods would be inconsiderate
2. A bad idea because the stale beer leaks all over your shorts
3. A good idea because the stale beer leaks all over your shorts



Does the pink flower on my head
make by butt look big???

4. Something that had to be done

For Friday Happy Hour Rides we draw the line at two session ales (5% or less) because alcohol and mountain biking do not mix

1. True
2. False
3. Huh?

Log your answers here, the winner gets a free mp3 recording of Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass' Spanish Flea (a.k.a. theme to "The Dating Game").

Chris

"It's such a fine line between stupid and clever." 

     -- David St. Hubbins (This is Spinal Tap)

Fire and Ice (actually mud) for Tonight

Preparations for the 7th Annual Bike Bonfire and Beer Exchange are in full swing.

Weather for tonight is 29 degrees at ride time, dropping to a low of 27 degrees at midnight.  Balmy which also means muddy.

Nothing left to do but charge the lights, load up the beer, kiss the family good night. Oh and take the following Beer Bonfire and Beer Exchange fun quiz:

What is "Sheep Dip?"

1. Liquid formulation of insecticide and fungicide which shepherds use to protect sheep from parasites such as blow-flies, ticks and lice
2. Half filled bath of hot soapy water shared amongst friends, used to wash off the disco dirt post clubbing or boozing before everyone crashes out on your sofa and floor
3. Scotch whiskey enjoyed by mountain bikers around a campfire somewhere between Durango Colorado and Moab Utah

Who was featured in a full page spread in the June 2012 issue of Mountain Bike magazine?

1. Glenn Armstrong
2. Claus Van Traup
3. The D2M gang
4. Chiggers

Which of the following transportation accidents are associated with previous bike-beer-bonfire events?

1. Riding Miller's lawn mower into the bonfire
2. Riding Kirk's bicycle over the bonfire
3. Riding Cathy's beach cruiser through a rock garden
4. Riding Kaleigh's ATV over a flaming kerosene torch
5. All of the above

Andy has a new baby-blue bike seat because:

1. He's color blind
2. It's slightly more manly than the hot pink one he was riding before
3. It matches his baby-blue spandex shorts
4. It's the only color seat Rob had in the trunk of his car

The Overlook is popular on Friday evenings because:

1. It has a jacuzzi
2. It has great music
3. It has a beer tree
4. None of the above

The 2012 trip to Raystown will be remembered for:

1. $12 worth of firewood
2. Night time unicycle riding
3. 10 seatposts x 1"
4. The First Floor Queen
5. All of the above
6. None of the above (it won't be remembered)

Which of the following is NOT true about the "Green Lane Tickler?"

1. It is about 8" long
2. It is flexible
3. It tickles the inside of your thigh
4. You can only get them at turnpike rest stops

Please make a nomination for your favorite Bike Ride Beer Exchange acronym::

1. BEER (BEer Exchange Ride)
2. BONER (BONfire Exchange Ride)
3. BaRBIE (Beer Ride BIke Exchange)
4. REHAB (Ride ExcHAnge Bike)
5. ________________________ (write in nomination)

See you tonight!

Chris

"Keep riding, Nancy. It's just water and dirt." 

     -- Huck And Roll

A Knife at a Gunfight

Beer presentations were all functional
but only one burned

"I don't see what's so great about standing around, outside, at night, in the middle of December, drinking beer from a toilet." I could not dispute the technical aspects of her argument, but somehow the more sublime aspects of last night's bonfire were not resonating with my daughter...

The evening started with the customary ride. After climbing the new Quarry Bypass into the park and pausing to share a flask of Root, we dashed across the park to The Bobsled Run. Mindful that KO was on his wife's beach cruiser and not wanting any drama to delay the start of the bonfire we (thought we) bypassed the rock garden by the ruins. But it turns out our pack of 10 riders had bifurcated and of course KO's half detoured straight into the rock garden. Somehow the bike and rider survived and we regrouped at the top of The Bobsled Run for some more Root and the mad dash to the comfort of the beer and the bonfire. The Bobsled descent was punctuated with a lot of woo-hoo's, a little cursing, and a couple of busted spokes on MS's SFurly. Watching the lights of the last few riders snake down that trail was magical, one of those rare scenes that only occurs on night rides with large groups.

Knife at a gunfight? KO wife cruiser
 with kickstand and book rack

Random note: We started with 10 riders and ended with 11. That never happens. Generally if we start with 10 riders we are lucky to end with 8. Good mojo last night.

Back at the bonfire, the chili was bubblin', the beer was chillin', the best beer presentation entries were being scrutinized by the judges. Both entries scored high on functionality (seems to be a theme at these bonfires). The DBDC entry looked vaguely familiar, scored high for incorporation of Wet Wipes and imaginative use of vulcanized rubber accents. The Porcelain Goddess entry scored high for classic lines and it's "upper deck" potential. Stiff competition but the judges job was easy because in the end only one entry burned ("must burn to win" provision in contest rules). MM took the title in '11.

Planning for next year commenced during this morning's cleanup and yes, some changes are in store for '12. But for now we'll just celebrate the memories of '11, starting with this Bike Rider Bonfire and Beer Exchange Fun Quiz:


1. You know the best beer presentation contest at the annual Beer Bonfire and Beer Exchange has reached new lows when the judge's discussion centers around:

A) Gooners and Upper Decks
B) Nessies and Groovers
C) The smell of burning vulcanized rubber
D) All of the above

2. At the '11 Bike Ride, Bonfire, and Beer Exchange RV caused a stir by

A) QuestioningHermosa Tours' use of the Groover
B) Admitting that he had once "glassed" a guy who wasn't using a groover
C) Never walking farther that 15' from the bonfire to relieve himself
D) All of the above

3. This morning the neighborhood awoke to see MR's contest entry

A) On the roof of his house
B) In the back of his truck
C) Trailside overlooking the brandywine
D) Next to the firepit

We'll close this post with some wisdom from last night's ride:

Never Bring a Knife to a Gunfight...unless of course the gunfight is a mountain bike ride, and the knife is your wife's beach cruiser.

Happy Holidays,

Chris

2010 Bike Bonfire and Beer Exchange Fun Quiz

Following is the 2010 Bike Bonfire and Beer Exchange Fun Quiz. All characters, companies, products and events described in this fun quiz are fictitious, and no similarity with any real persons or entities, living or deceased, is intended or should be inferred.


AS's wife knows that if AS goes to the bonfire that their dental deductible will be paid before the end of December.

• True
• False

DC took the fire jumping contest to new heights when he attempted to jump the bonfire:

1. With two feet
2. With a bicycle
3. With a garden tractor
4. While soaked in kerosene

In the last two bonfires MY has:.

1. Laughed and Cried
2. Laughed and Danced
3. Flown and Danced
4. All of the above

Last year MH impersonated Dr. Henry Kissinger so that he could:

1. Bring world peace
2. Be first in line for hot chili
3. Throw Jenna into the fire
4. None of the above

At the 2007 bonfire MR left the party early (and mad) and was about to walk into his house when he decided to go back to the bonfire to take a swing at one of the other riders.

• True
• False

The ladies panties that CD gave to SM as a gag gift were actually from :

1. CD's wife 
2. SM's sister 
3. Both CD's wife and SM's sister 
4. The Cougar at Chelsey's

The day after the 2008 bonfire when MR could not find his Best Beer Presentation contest entry, he accused MO7S of destroying the family heirloom. He was upset because of the rule that all entries must burn to be eligible. Where was the family heirloom?

1. In the fire pit (ashes)
2. Somewhere east of Downingtown in the Brandywine Creek
3. Safely stashed in his truck parked in his driveway
4. None of the above

The "MRDBS" sign nailed to a tree on the Bonus Loop stands for:

1. MR's Deep Brain Stimulation
2. MR's Drunken Bike Shop
3. MR's Drunken Brain Stimulation
4. None of the above

One of our riders MM was nicknamed "DB4."  In his case "DB" stands for

1. Diamond Back
2. Douche Bag
3. Double Black-diamond
4. Diarrhea Bubble

TP's commitment to mountain biking is suspect because:

1. His other bike is a motorcycle
2. His front fork is a lefty
3. All of the above
4. None of the above

What was The Cougar's opening line at Chelsea's?

1. "You guys from around here?"
2. "Is that a spanner wrench in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"
3. "I'm no spring chicken, but I am a cougar!  Grrrrrrr!"
4. "I need to get me some Irish meat and potatoes!"

DM purchased a bike off eBay "because it looked cool." Too bad for him because this bike has an unfortunate tendency to:

1. Debit his PayPal account
2. Fold in half when traversing uneven ground
3. None of the above
4. All of the above

Match the rider with the riding outfit or accessory that they DID wear on at least one ride:

• Riders
1. RV
2. DM
3. JA
4. DC
5. BG
• Outfit/accessory: 
1. Flesh-tone leotards
2. Bootyliscious booties with pink trim
3. Skate-boarder helmet
4. Wool sport coat
5. Green polka-dot union suit

SF is one of the few with a trail named after him.  This trail is called:

1. SF's demise
2. The Bonus Loop
3. SF's mud pit
4. Sidewinder

KO is considered an anti-social mountain biker because he:

1. Brings rotten wood to the bonfire
2. Rides while listening to an iPod
3. Won't chew tobacco (except once in the BVIs)
4. All of the above

After someone crashes RI has been known to say:

1. "Pain is temporary, glory is forever"
2. "Chicks dig the dirty ones"
3. ”I’d rather have a brother that was gay than a cousin that was a roadie"
4. 1 and 2

Please click the comment link at the bottom of this post to record your answers. The winner will get a free ride with SM to the windowless Video-X-Press in Malvern to shop for party favors.